The story of my Apple Tree…

I woke up in the morning excited and happy. I don’t remember why, but it just felt that way… Going to the kitchen to have my breakfast, something felt different. For a moment I wasn’t aware of what it was… Just a weird feeling that something was wrong!

I was having my breakfast, chatting with my mum, laughing and all this time trying to ignore the noise outside. My dad hired some men to cut the trees that are drying and can’t be saved. And then it hit me… My apple tree was gone.

The apple tree of my childhood dreams, the “place” I spent summers climbing, reading, laughing, making fun of my grandmother… The apple tree that always had the best apples, the most beautiful flowers when it was blooming, a scent that always made me feel at home… My apple tree, the symbol of my childhood dreams, memories and happiness.

I am 25 now and this was the tree that has always been there. I had my swing attached to it and I still remember how powerful I felt the first time I climbed in it… I must have been 6 or 7. And now it’s gone. And I feel this regret… I do believe that some trees deserve to die on their own…

I asked my dad why he cut it and he told me that it was too old and dry and couldn’t be saved. It seems that while I was away it got sick or something… not that apple trees get sick but you know what I mean… And now it’s gone… another symbol that tells me I’m not a kid anymore…

Its weird how when we are kids all we want is to grow up and when we grow up we do our best to keep the child inside alive… I want my apple tree back, and the black cherry tree and the plum tree…  and my grandmother the way she used to be…

Back to old passions :D

Thank you “The Black Eyed Peas” for getting my enthusiasm back . When I was in high school, among other things, I wanted to be a writer. I used to write short stories and I even wrote a novel… which I threw away because I didn’t felt confident enough to show to anybody. I actually never showed it to anybody… I still write from time to time, when I feel happy or mad in excess… that’s my trigger… emotions in excess Unfortunately I never had the discipline a writer needs to have in order to be successful. But I never actually considered myself a writer… It was more like self therapy

Anyway I was listening The Black Eyed Peas “Meet me halfway” tonight and I felt like writing again… It was the same feeling I had in high school, exactly the same… a feeling I didn’t had in years… and here it is… a small part of a short story… I will let you know how it works out

“Can you meet me halfway? I am scared and alone and keep asking myself if I made a mistake so long ago, when I told you to go, when I wanted independence and adventure… I am scared and alone and scared of being alone… Is this a mistake? Or just another fantasy?… I am afraid that you will come, and I will get bored again, and I will break your heart again… And I am scared and lonely and I hate it…

I keep telling myself that I am strong and I just need a new adventure but I am sick of being strong and adventurous all by myself… Come be with me, come chase the loneliness from my dark nights… just kiss me once and I will know…

I am thinking about you, about us, about what I want and I feel so frustrated… it’s like something is missing from this big picture… just kiss me once… and I will know… I know I will know… I have to know…

I feel like jumping, running, screaming… but I can’t… I feel like nobody knows the real me… and I so lost… and lonely… and I hate it… and I hate myself for what I did to you… Did you forget? Did you forget me?… Did you?

I prayed you did… every night of every day… Please meet me halfway… On that bench in the park we used to go to everyday after school. When we were young and naïve and believed that every love is a fairytale, that every smile will always be there, that every kiss will mean something… When we didn’t felt alone, and empty, and sad… When the world was ours to conquer… When there was no war inside… When every smile meant something… When we weren’t scared of lonely because we had each other… So long ago… so so long ago… when you were mine to love and to have… and when I was yours in every way… Can you meet me halfway?”

I knew I will never send that letter… but I have never imagined that it will become my suicide note… my fake goodbye to a world I never wanted to leave…

The “Belgrade Special” Experience!

Sunday I arrived in Bucharest with 1 hour and a half delay which was ok, more time for me to sleep. I met Andreea in the train station, we used to be roommates in college, and we headed toward the area where they sell the tickets for international trains. I am using a Balkan Flexi Pass but we still needed to buy the seats together.

Our train left at 21:05 pm and here is when the fun part began! We are travelling with the Belgrade Special train. And the experience was supposed to be “special”, but of course we complained. Let me tell you why

Heading towards the train we noticed how nice the train wagons that were heading to Timisoara looked like so we got really excited. When it’s freezing outside you are happy to know you will spend your time in a warm nice looking place. Well, this is where the “special” part began. After the Timisoara heading wagons we saw the special ones that go to Belgrade. It felt like the communism was back. We got inside, found our places and we couldn’t help noticing the snow inside the train, the footprints marks on the seat, the dirty floor and the cold meant to make our experience unforgettable! We started laughing and asking ourselves where the plug in for the laptop is so we could see a movie! )

Our lovely international ride!

So the Belgrade Special offer form the Romanian railway isn’t that special after all! They should be careful when they set expectations for their clients… you don’t call a dirty cold train special!!! At least in my opinion But I may be wrong!

Anyways when the person that checks the tickets came we asked him about the snow so nicely set around the inside of the window… He told us that CFR is encouraging the connection between people and nature He was joking of course. He was a really nice man and suggested us to move in the Timisoara wagons until we get to Timisoara, and then move back in when we reach it. So we did! Warm and looking nice… no footprints on the seats and it seem the connection between the nature and the people is not encouraged here. No snow anywhere inside

We are in Belgrade for about 4 days now and it is beautiful If you ever have the chance to come here, do it. You will love it, I am sure Just don’t take the “Belgrade Special” train

Me happy

The fortress

:)

A special part of Belgrade

A little bit of Ghanaian culture :P

Here are some of the songs that were popular in Ghana when I was there  I discovered them tonight on youtube Some of  them are from Nigeria so maybe I should name my post “A little bit of African Culture”

Me happy

Dreaming out loud :)

I have a dream for the next 5 years of my life. It’s not about saving the human kind; it’s not about winning the Nobel Prize, people appreciation or interest. It’s about me. About what I discovered it makes me happy, about what I love to do. It, of course, all started in Ghana. I guess I needed an extraordinary experience to discover what I really love

But going back to my dream It will all happen before my 31^st birthday. If I get lucky maybe before 30. It’s not about having 1 million dollars/Euros.  I don’t want to be in top 100 richest people in Romania. I don’t want my face in the news. What I want to do isn’t even very difficult.

I want to travel and live for at least 4 months in 5 countries. The choice is pure emotional and influenced by factors I can’t really name: stories I heard, articles I read, people I talked with, images, feelings, etc.

My choice, not necessarily in this order: Kenya, Tanzania, Uruguay, Malaysia and Thailand

So wish me luck If you have any fundraising tips feel free to share

See you there!

I'm gonna live forever

They call it re-integration!

I knew by the end of my internship that I will miss Ghana. I never told myself that it’s not going to happen. With good and bad it was the best experience of my life so far. But I also believe that I will enjoy being home a lot more! I guess I am restless… it’s just the way I am!

It’s been good so far. Staying home, seeing some of my friends, which I missed so much, and reconnecting with my family. Not waking up at 5:45 am every morning

The truly annoying part started when I had to face the Romanian bureaucracy. But it’s my fault. I actually had the nerve to go to my former University to ask for my bachelor diploma on 4^th of January. Exactly the first day after the holiday! It seems to me that I am a very bad person. The secretary from my former college was very nice. She told me where to go and what I need in order to get my diploma. Fast and simple! But getting that piece of paper was a lot more complicated… Because some people are still in their holiday although officially they are working!

Ok, so it’s 5^th of January now. I can totally understand. Right after New Year’s Eve… 5 days after but still… But I finished my studies 1,5 years ago. June 2008… Why does it take 1,5 years to get a piece of paper?

Well I am on my way to Bucharest now. Without my diploma… I didn’t have time to wait for everybody to finish their holiday. I do hope my MA Program won’t require it. Because it might just take a while for the University to release it! I mean there are holidays, long weekends, and personal problems and so on. Putting your signature on a document is a difficult thing to do. It can take years and years and years….!!! Maybe I should go in July 2011. I mean why not? They need time. Evolution is a difficult process. An annoying person requiring diplomas and stuff can block it entirely!

From this point of view it steel feels like I am in Ghana. But I would rather have some heat and fresh mango fruits instead of bureaucracy!

Me remembering how it’s like to be in Romania! And enjoying With good and bad!

PS: I wrote this on Tuesday, being kind of annoyed. Meantime I calmed down, although I don’t have my diploma yet

Mi-e dor!

I miss moments and friends…

Lucia made this for me... MyAfrica MyGhana

This is it!

This morning’s feelings:

“I am in Dubai. Just for the next 2 hours. And it feels weird. My gate is number 221 which is situated 5 meters to a McDonalds. I don’t feel tempted in any way. It’s weird because in the last 5,5 months I complained lots and lots of time about the fact that there is no McDonalds in Ghana. I used to talk with Tanja about how the first thing we’re going to do when we leave Ghana is stop in a McDonalds!

The last 3 days feel like so far away. Ghana feels so far away. It’s like a fairytale. Once upon a time there was a girl that decided to do something crazy and go to Ghana. Not that going to Ghana is something crazy. This particular girl going to Ghana is something crazy. When you are the baby of the family for 20 years of your life, and the spoilest person for 25, going to Ghana just like that is something crazy. And don’t trust all you read on the internet if you ever decide to overcome your limits in Africa. The info is never enough !

But this is it. I am back to my idea of civilization. I am back to McDonalds, hot showers and feeling totally safe. It doesn’t feel like it’s me against the world anymore… And I can’t believe there are so many obrouni around me (white people ) Yesterday I was surrounded by obibini, and today there isn’t even one in my proximity. And it feels weird. I guess I can call it reintegration.

I was so close to crying on Tuesday night. It was my farewell party, sort of. And every hug and every kiss was telling me that I might not see these wonderful people ever in my life. These were people that made my cry and laugh, smile with joy, feel embarrassed, people that teased me like hell. These were the people that helped me grow as a person I said again and again that I will miss them. And it’s true. I already miss them so much!

William, Sahil, Lidia and Sushil came at the airport yesterday. I ate fried rice with chicken for the last time, and I had my last Blue Skies: pineapple, mango and passion fruit. Tanja was the last person I spoke on the phone before my departure.

It’s never easy to say good bye.

It’s so hard now to make peace with 2 feelings that are so different. I am sad to leave Ghana behind and so excited that I am moving on. Not that I know where I am going I am going to Vienna for 5 days but that’s not where I am going…

This is it! The ending of a love affair! A love affair with a country, with people, with ideas… A love affair with a house, a job, a street… A love affair with a part of me that I only just discovered…This is it! And quoting a singer I don’t remember the name… It’s never the right time to say good bye…

But I guess this is what it must be… a Good bye!”

5 is a magic number!

I have 5 more full days in Ghana. Wednesday doesn’t count because I will spend it in the airport or in the plane. I was looking at “My 50 days of summer” and at my 5 rules, asking myself if I managed to respect them. Not really!

Rule number 1: No more homesickness! – I didn’t totally respect it… I learned that being homesick is not something that you can control. There are small things that remind you of home, a smell, someone’s smile, someone’s laughter, an e-mail from your friends… all this things that you can’t control and that have the power to take you for a second in the past, where you are surrounded by friends or family. I also learn that homesickness makes the adventure more intense, more powerful, shows you new perspectives upon things and life that otherwise you might have missed!

Rule number 2: No more counting down the days! – Well I did try but when you have a calendar on your desk is kind of impossible to stop doing it And again… I did try! I only cut down the days when I was angry or sad or homesick… I even had days when I didn’t noticed the calendar and I had to cut down 3 days or even 4 at a time… mostly after weekends

Rule number 3: Spend enough time with the friends I made here! – I will never be able to say that I spent enough time with the friends I have made here. This shouldn’t have been a rule from the beginning. It’s just not possible! That’s why we have to meet again A Generation2009 Ghanaian reunion … not necessarily in Ghana… It can be Germany, US, India, New Zeeland, Slovakia, Lithuania, Macedonia, Mexico, The Nederland’s, Canada, Romania… It’s just too soon to choose

Rule number 4: Make sure I visit everything I haven’t so far… like Togo or Cote d’Ivoire – I didn’t visit Togo or Cote d’Ivoire, I didn’t have the time or the money… but now I see it as one more reason to come back to Africa! And I will come back; it’s just a matter of time

Rule number 5: Don’t leave the shopping for the last week… – I managed to respect this one… I have only a few minor things to buy… Like getting the last 5 skirts from the seamstress. I am coming back with 13 skirts… And this is kind of funny when thinking that until I came to Ghana I wore a skirt maximum 5 times a year! In the last 5 months I spent 90% of the time wearing a skirt… and this says a lot… I don’t know if about me or about the weather in Ghana

I have a weird feeling when thinking about my decision to come here. My sister asked me today why I came here. Why didn’t I wait to find an internship in Europe, for one year, which would have given me a sense of security?

Why wait? We only live once and we don’t get younger or bolder. With age comes responsibility… There was no better time for me to come here! Yeah, now I am going home… The world is in a financial crisis, Romania is in a political and financial crisis. I don’t have a job. I don’t have money. So what? When did any of these things stopped the world from spinning, stopped the time or stopped people from achieving personal success? It’s a crisis… Screw it! I am going home!

Me happy!

How would you feel to have a monkey as a pet?

On Friday we went with Lucia to visit a family that owns a school in Accra. Lucia needed some pictures for her postcards We arrived there and we were surrounded by kids in less than a minute, although it was a national holiday and everybody had the day off.

Lucia took the pictures and then we went and had a chat with the school owners. They have a monkey as a pet A quite aggressive monkey if you ask me I understood that it’s not common at all to have a monkey as a pet in Ghana and it was so much fun to watch the monkey jumping around.Nobody stood too close to it, not even the owners. When I wasn’t careful enough she grabbed my skirt. It happened so fast I didn’t even have the time to see it. Lucia took some pictures to freeze the moment

:D

Later on we went to Champs and I must say it was the best Friday in Champs ever. The karaoke singers were amazing, I felt like Beyonce, Kanye West and Gloria Gaynor came to entertain us.

Ivan left yesterday. It was the last trip to the airport before my departure next week. Oh, how I will miss these wonderful people that I spent my last 5 months and a half with. William cooked turkey again and we had a kind of “Goodbye lunch” and then spent the last 3 hours with Ivan at the airport bar. I feel this weird emotion when I think about my very soon departure and when I think about the friends I have here. How each one of us goes to a separate way… At the beginning of my internship I told myself that I refuse to cry in Ghana. I have a feeling I will cry the Wednesday after this one!

Me happy!