Back to old passions :D

4 02 2010

Thank you “The Black Eyed Peas” for getting my enthusiasm back :). When I was in high school, among other things, I wanted to be a writer. I used to write short stories and I even wrote a novel… which I threw away because I didn’t felt confident enough to show to anybody. I actually never showed it to anybody… I still write from time to time, when I feel happy or mad in excess… that’s my trigger… emotions in excess 😛 Unfortunately I never had the discipline a writer needs to have in order to be successful. But I never actually considered myself a writer… It was more like self therapy 😀

Anyway I was listening The Black Eyed Peas “Meet me halfway” tonight and I felt like writing again… It was the same feeling I had in high school, exactly the same… a feeling I didn’t had in years… and here it is… a small part of a short story… I will let you know how it works out 🙂

“Can you meet me halfway? I am scared and alone and keep asking myself if I made a mistake so long ago, when I told you to go, when I wanted independence and adventure… I am scared and alone and scared of being alone… Is this a mistake? Or just another fantasy?… I am afraid that you will come, and I will get bored again, and I will break your heart again… And I am scared and lonely and I hate it…

I keep telling myself that I am strong and I just need a new adventure but I am sick of being strong and adventurous all by myself… Come be with me, come chase the loneliness from my dark nights… just kiss me once and I will know…

I am thinking about you, about us, about what I want and I feel so frustrated… it’s like something is missing from this big picture… just kiss me once… and I will know… I know I will know… I have to know…

I feel like jumping, running, screaming… but I can’t… I feel like nobody knows the real me… and I so lost… and lonely… and I hate it… and I hate myself for what I did to you… Did you forget? Did you forget me?… Did you?

I prayed you did… every night of every day… Please meet me halfway… On that bench in the park we used to go to everyday after school. When we were young and naïve and believed that every love is a fairytale, that every smile will always be there, that every kiss will mean something… When we didn’t felt alone, and empty, and sad… When the world was ours to conquer… When there was no war inside… When every smile meant something… When we weren’t scared of lonely because we had each other… So long ago… so so long ago… when you were mine to love and to have… and when I was yours in every way… Can you meet me halfway?”

I knew I will never send that letter… but I have never imagined that it will become my suicide note… my fake goodbye to a world I never wanted to leave…

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